love and responsibility

You infer that your WHY is the result of "a habit of repressing things — not just my favorite ideas — when feeling intimidated by the masses or by authority".

Actually, it has nothing to do with feeling intimidated. It has nothing to do with the masses or with authority. The former is only a symptom, whereas the latter only serves to provoke the symptom.

It has everything to do with you. You don't love your favorite ideas enough, and instead of loving them enough to express them, you fear them and then blame the masses and authority for intimidating you.

You have found out that when you love your favorite ideas enough to express them in presence of the masses and authority, you do not feel intimidated by the masses and authority.

Actually you feel empowered.

And when you are feeling empowered, there is no room in consciousness for feeling intimidated. By anyone, including yourself.

"do you have a joke?"

Before 2pm on Saturday, February 28, 2015, I showed up at Gare de Lyon, one of the six major railway stations in Paris.  I had no train to catch and I had not come to pick up someone.  I had no ticket on hand and I was not going to purchase one.  I was not even getting something to eat, and I had no need for the restroom.  No, I was only there to run Operation Insecurity.

Operation Insecurity is nothing more than a spin-off of Operation Les Jolies Filles, which was also targeted at pretty women.  In all honesty, it is exactly the same thing as Operation Les Jolies Filles.  I had just changed its name to remind myself why I was running it: to overcome my feelings of insecurity towards doing unusual things in public.  And to help me were the pretty women to be found all over Paris, whether they knew it or not.

Once I stepped into in Hall 1 of the train station,  I began looking for a target.  Walking the length of the hall, in the area that separated the platforms from the dispersed travelers, I kept my eyes open, scanning the crowd.  To calm my nerves and keep away the dissuasive thoughts, I repeated a quote from the mythologist Joseph Campbell that I had remembered only after failing the same operation in the same place five hours before: "Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."  It was a quote that I believed in, given the numerous successes that I had had when running challenging operations in the past.

I got through the hall without a single approach.  That's not to say that there were no pretty women around, on the contrary.  I just did not make out any clear-cut opportunity or, when I did, I did not muster the courage to do anything about it, telling myself that I did not know what to say to the girl, even though I had allowed myself to say anything that came to mind.  All the while, moments came and went as quickly as the number of people that were moving all over the place.  Not to be discouraged, I kept on moving myself, armed with words of wisdom from Joseph Campbell.

I made my way into the Galerie des fresques, which linked Hall 1 to Hall 2.  Soon enough, I spotted a woman in a very colorful outfit walking towards me, alone.  As the gap between us got closer, I quickly looked around and verified that there were people nearby : some were standing by on her left, others walking behind her, and several walking behind me.  Perfect.  As I crossed paths with the woman, I got her attention by saying hello, in English.

"So how was vacation?", I asked.

"..."

"You know, the school vacation period just ended."

"Yes ..."

"And it lasted two weeks."

"Yes ..."

"So how did it go?"

The woman kept silent for a short moment before continuing.

"I don't quite understand.  Do you speak German?"

"German?", I asked in return, surprised.

"Yes, German."

"No, I don't.  Are you German?"

"No, but I speak it."

"But you do speak French?"

"Yes", she replied.

I was intrigued as to why she had asked me if I spoke German instead of asking me if I spoke French.  We were in France, after all.  Or did I miss something?  In any case, I was not going to switch to French for the sake of convenience, so the interaction swiftly ended and we parted ways right after.

I kept on walking until I reached Hall 2.  Upon entering, I found myself on one end of the floor.  I went straight towards the platforms to be in the middle of the action while walking towards the other end of the floor.  Of course, I was still keeping a lookout.  And my efforts were about to pay off when, somewhere along the middle of the floor, I noticed two women standing together, facing the trains.  One was looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s.  The other was perhaps her mother, as she looked much older.  Without hesitation, I jumped into action.  It was what I wanted after all.  Action.

"Hello", I said, looking more at the younger woman, who was closer to me.

"..."

"Are you waiting for your train?"

"No."

"Oh, you are waiting for someone then?"

"Yes."

Silence.  All the while, I could pick up a certain discomfort on their part (or was it on my part rather?).  The younger woman was giving me one-word answers, though I took some responsibility for this, having coming up with such simple questions in the first place.  The other woman had turned her head away and remained quiet.  As for me, I had run out of things to say, and it seemed that the best thing to do at that point was to end the conversation.

"Well, have a good day", I said, smiling.

"Thanks", said the younger woman, with a faint smile.  The other woman kept her silence, though she gave a hint of a smile.

I completed my tour of Hall 2 and left, going through the Galerie des fresques again to return to Hall 1.  Having initiated a conversation on two separate occasions inside the same building, I had completed the operation that I had failed only five hours before.  But I did not feel satisfied with this victory.  In fact, I felt like I had not given an acceptable effort, notably with the two women that I met in Hall 2.  The interaction with them had been simply too brief, and the questions that I asked them did not require more than "Yes" or "No" answers.  Also, I had been taken aback by their relatively distant reaction.  "I mean, why can't some people just lighten up sometimes?", I complained to myself, almost impulsively.  And at that instant, my mind got to racing to thinking what I could do foster light-hearted interactions with strangers (in this case, with pretty women).  Then an idea emerged and stood over everything else in my consciousness.  I liked it and decided to give it a go.

I was already back in Hall 1, which seemed more crowded than before.  But I was undeterred.  In fact, I was more determined than ever, Joseph Campbell's words still by my side.  I walked below the main departure board suspended in the middle of the hall, among the dozens of travelers who had their eyes fixed on it.  Nearby, I saw three girls standing in a small circle, talking.  Given the mass of people around them, it was an excellent opportunity for me to feature my insecurity.  So I chose to go capture it.

"Hello", I said.

"Hello".

"Do you have a joke?"

"Er ... what?"

"Do you have a joke?"

"A joke?"

"Yes.  A joke.  Do you have one?"

The girls looked amused.  I guessed that they also felt perplexed.  But they were game, and started conferring quietly among themselves.  It took place quite quickly, and I could not record everything that was going on.  However, I remember being pleasantly surprised by the success that I was having in pulling off this stunt.  Some silence had crept in, so naturally, I made sure to pick up the dialogue.

"Okay, I'm waiting for a joke!", I stated, with a hand gesture meant to convey my impatience.

"Do you speak French?", one of the girls asked me.

"Yes, I do.  But not today."

She seemed to take that well.

"What about a bad joke?", another girl asked.

"Well, a bad joke is still a joke", I conceded.

"All right, I am going say it, it's in French."

I moved in closer to listen.  I found it a bit odd yet humorous that I was going to have to understand a joke in French even though everyone was aware that I had chosen to not speak a word of French.

"Qu'est-ce qui est jaune et attend?"  (In English: "What is yellow and wait?")

"'Jaune', OK, I got that. 'Attend'?  Like from the verb 'attendre'?"

"Yes."

I thought about it for a while, trying to come up with an answer.  I asked for a clue, but I don't think that my request registered with the girls.  Helpless, I did not spend much time before giving up.

"Jaune-attend!", one of them said.

"Jaune-attend?  Wha ... oh!  Jonathan?  The name Jonathan?"

"Yes."

"Wait ... Jonathan ... pronounced in what language?  French?  English?"

I cannot remember their reply.  But the joke ‒ or rather the riddle ‒ was more or less understood.  I just assumed that the French pronounced the name Jonathan differently compared to native English speakers.  "Jaune-attend", I repeated.  "Hmmn."

"Not bad at all, not bad", I added.

The girls were all smiles.

"Do you mind if I use it?", I asked them.

"Not at all", one girl replied, giggling with the others.

I decided to end the interaction.  I had the feeling that I no longer had anything plausible to say.  My mind was blank actually.  I felt that I had already redeemed myself after the disappointment of the previous encounter.  Pleased about this last experience, I wished the girls "bon voyage" before leaving them, even though I did not know whether they were going to take a train or if they were simply waiting for someone to arrive.

Alone once again and feeling liberated more than anything, I headed for the bus stop outside the train station, amusing myself with ideas to take things further with this operation.

security and risk

Recently, I discovered a strange relationship between risk and security.  And to thank for that, I have no one but Paul Arden, who states in his book "Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite", that risk is your security in life.  Usually, we would think that security was a prerequisite for risk.  We would expect people who have a lot of money to be able to purchase expensive products and services without worry and those who have little to keep their expenses low.  In the workplace, we would expect people with a lot of expertise in a given domain to be able to make the risky decisions in times of uncertainty and those that with little experience in the same domain to follow the instructions.  But given the title of his book, Paul Arden challenges us to consider the opposite, asserting that it is risk that fuels security.

I am fascinated by this link between risk and security because for several years I have been working with the concept of security.  And to be clear, I am not talking about financial security.  I am talking rather about a deeper kind of security.  The kind of security that is more universal than money.  The kind of security that is even capable of influencing decisions related to financial security.  The kind of security that, in my opinion, affects each person, rich or poor, throughout the course of his or her life, from childhood to old age.  I am talking about emotional security, and especially the lack of it.

As a human being living in society, each of us has or has had emotional insecurities.  Each of us has known something about himself (or herself) that, if exposed, would cause him (or her) to have unpleasant feelings like those of being rejected, mocked, ignored, or weakened.  Who longs for those feelings?  Who appreciates them when they are experienced?

One of my greatest emotional insecurities arises when I wish to do something that comes from a deeply personal place but that is noticeably different from what most people around me are doing, especially if they are doing more or less the usual things.  Something like roaming the streets of Paris on a Saturday to ask one of 50 people in English if they came from a capital of one of the 50 American States, which, I admit, is not usual.  Or something like going to each desk in a small open space shared with 15 colleagues between 4pm and 5pm on a randomly chosen day each week to say hello and make brief small talk if possible, while these colleagues are all working on their computers.  Or even something like using a public albeit virtual space like Facebook to share a personally written post on emotional insecurity whereas many other Facebook users are sharing photos from their travels or from their everyday life, posts about events that happened, or articles written by other people.  Whatever the context may be, my emotional security is in question when I become aware of an opportunity to carry out one of my cherished wishes.  Sometimes, I seize the opportunity and reap the rewards of satisfaction that logically follow.  At other times, I seize nothing, and all I can do afterwards is feel the pain of defeat.  Call it a struggle if you will.

Four years ago, I heard a wise man say that you could get rid of your insecurities by featuring them, and I believed him.  This is probably for this reason that I conceive schemes that I call 'operations' to nurture my wishes of demonstrating my particular tendencies in public, with the hopes of gaining security in the process or, better yet, of overcoming my insecurity of wanting to do things differently.

So far so good, taking the risk seems to be paying off.  While I still have moments where I am emotionally insecure, I have discovered that I am less troubled than before by events that occur as a result of other people's actions (or lack thereof).  Consequently, I have been able to feel more in control of my emotions.

How beautiful it is to do without the expectation that others recognize you, pay attention to you, or approve of what you do.

How beautiful it is to feel liberated from the need to criticize others for being more normal than you, in terms of ideas and opinions.

How beautiful it is to ignore the temptation to hold grudges or to breed jealousy towards people who seem to be doing everything right.

How beautiful it is to take interest in the lives of people that you know and that you meet without faulting them when they do not reciprocate the gesture.

How beautiful it is to have something that solicits your attention more than everyday nuisances and that depends primarily on your efforts.

How beautiful it is to experience something so special that you can think of only one word to capture it: fulfillment.

If this is what security is really about, then I want more, more until it is second nature.  So, taking inspiration from the words of Paul Arden, I must remain willing to take the risk of carrying out my personal and unusual ideas in public.


Risks are a measure of people.  People who won't take them are trying to preserve what they have.  People who do take them often end up having more.

‒ Paul Arden

why i love paris (8)

In the afternoon of Tuesday, November 11, 2014, I met up with the Paris Sketchers crew on the panoramic rooftop terrace of the Printemps department store located on Boulevard Haussmann in Paris.

I had suggested the outing, as part of my "Paris par arrondissement" drawing project (in English: "Paris by arrondissement"), for the 9th arrondissement.  On the Saturday before, I had checked out different sites in the arrondissement in order to choose one that was convenient and interesting enough for a talented and passionate group of urban sketchers.  Opera Garnier came close (I know that I would have loved to sketch in the famous operahouse).  There was even Galeries Lafayette, which also boasted a panoramic terrace on its rooftop.  But there was nothing like that of Printemps, which, on the tenth floor of the store, offered a great cafe vibe combined with comfortable furniture, lovely decor, and people everywhere.  And yes, fantastic views all over Paris too.

Photo provided by journeyetc.com

What was even better than all that was the weather.  It was gorgeous!  Sure, it was a bit chilly, but for November, it was wonderfully sunny.  And none of the sketchers who came stayed inside the cafe leading to the terrace (until it had started to get dark).  We were all outside, sharing space with the locals and tourists passing through from time to time, some of whom did not resist the temptation to come and see what we were up to.

In the sketching crew were mostly familiar faces ‒ Eriko, Jean-Marc, Jérôme, Blandine, Chantal, Tula, Carole, Véronique, Aviva ‒ and a few people I had never met, notably Monique and Michèle.  I was glad that they had all chosen to spend this public holiday ‒ the Armistice of 1918 ‒ sketching with me at a pleasant and somewhat unusual location in Paris.

I was drawn during the entire visit to a view of Montmartre that culminated in the Sacré-Cœur Basilica, even though I really wanted to dig into something showing the Eiffel Tower.  I had to accept that a date with the "Dame de fer" (in English: "Iron Lady") was not to be that day, for some reason that I can no longer remember exactly.  But at least now I have a reason to return to such a remarkable viewpoint.

La butte Montmartre

beyond the conversation

When it comes to socializing, a lot of emphasis is placed on conversation.  Starting conversations.  Continuing conversations.  Ending conversations.  Changing conversation subjects.  Avoiding conversation subjects.  And so on.

I think that this is fair.  After all, without conversation, we would have difficulty knowing if we got along with someone else, building social relationships, and learning new things about people and sometimes about the world that we share with them.  Certainly, people that thrive together in a couple, a friendship, or a business partnership generally owe a big part of their success to conversations.

Yet, sometimes, on subject of enjoying real-time, face-to-face communication, conversations do not seem sufficient or appropriate.  They generally require substantial time on the part of the participants, they can easily become too factual, their structure is highly predictable, and the topics discussed tend to be the same ones.  And I say this while recognizing that I have not mastered the art of engaging people in conversations that are both stimulating and insightful.  As a member of society however, I bear a certain responsibility for the current state of conversation.

Real-time, face-to-face communication is about social interaction and conversation is only one form of social interaction.  Or at least that's the way I see it.  And there is so much joy to be derived from other forms of social interaction that are free from the constraints inherent in standard conversation.  I could not even dare naming all of them, since they are limitless in my opinion.  But there are a few that I use on a regular basis, and others less frequently.  I offer you some examples below.

• When a person looking in your direction waves to someone else (who may be visible to you or not), wave to the person who initiated the wave.
• When you are aboard an airplane and it lands after an uneventful and relatively short (1 to 2 hours) flight, applaud loudly to celebrate the landing.
• When you are reading a book in the subway and you spot a fellow passenger reading a book written in the same language as yours, go closer to them and ask "Book swap?"
• When you cross paths with someone while eating a sample of some delicious pastry from a bakery that you just left, ask them if they have tried that type of pastry from that bakery.  If they respond in any way other than saying yes, say "Well, I recommend it!".
• When you discover an uncommon animal being presented on the street that you are walking on because of some event or holiday, e.g., a camel on Epiphany, remind yourself to ask a fellow pedestrian that you cross paths with some moments later on the same street if they like that kind of animal.  Better yet, convince them that they are in for a big surprise.
• When, after just exiting a subway station on your way to work in the morning, you see someone in front of you exit a building and then walk towards the subway station, say hello and ask "You're going home?"
• When you see a group of five girls or more seated comfortably in a bar chatting away, go over, say hello, and ask, "So, what do you girls want to talk about?"
• When you see a girl standing with her eyes fixed on the screen of her cellphone, go next to her, quickly pull your cellphone out, and while pretending to use it, say "Ok, I'm listening, area code, 212, go on ..."
• When you are in a crowded bar and a girl is passing you with a pint of beer that she just bought in her hand, tell her "Hmmmn, that smells good".
• When someone on the street asks for directions, help them by first asking "How much do you have?"
• When you are in conversation with peers that you do not know well, interrupt at some unexpected moment by saying "You know, it's like cheese".

Indeed, there is no limit to the forms of interaction we can have with people, if it is not our own imagination that imposes it.  We do not even have to use words, which a conversation could not do without.  All that is needed, at a minimum, are people and some idea that includes people.  The stranger idea is, the better, yet it should be respectful of the wishes and well-being of everyone included.  This is an art that the good people at ImprovEverywhere have definitely mastered.

But why bother with alternative social interactions anyway?  Well, for one thing, it is simply fun using them to step beyond the confines of what is normal ‒ standard conversation ‒ from time to time.  Secondly, they can serve as sources of inspiration, allowing us to dream up new ideas applicable to social settings, try them out, refine our methods, and even imagine other forms of interaction based on the feedback we receive.  A third reason is more personal yet it is universal.  This kind of interaction is a quick way to connect with people in our midst, with whom we would perhaps never imagine having an engaging conversation (an activity that many of us seem to cherish).  I think that some issues that we as individuals face in society would not need to be if we reached out regularly to people that we did not know and shared with them more of what we loved about our lives, even if that lasted only 10 seconds.  Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, stated during a TED talk that "connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."  I am yet to read somewhere that connection required five minutes of conversation.

Yet a conversation of five minutes has its merits.  And it does not have to be restricted to common topics.  If it is engaging conversations that we want, we have a responsibility to foster it, using our personal resources (such as creativity, knowledge, and sense of humor, among others) as much as necessary.  Dare I say that complaining that a conversation is banal or superficial may be a sign that one is not expressing his true interests or his true values during the conversation.

So I'm all in for some good ol' conversation, with family, friends, colleagues.  But I do not want to always wait to be reunited with people in my social circle before I can share an idea, a discovery, or an experience that is worth sharing.  If, for some reason or the other, I am unable to converse with the people around me at any given moment, I prefer to interact with them in other ways, because it can be just as fun as conversation, and sometimes more.  Besides, doing so gives me a sense of purpose.

je suis charlie

Thanks to Aziz for coming up with the idea and the text, borrowed from the song "Ride Natty Ride" by Bob Marley. The drawing made it to a poster that I carried with Aziz and Mélodie during the January 11 rally at Place de la République in Paris, in memory of the 12 people who had lost their lives during the attack on January 7th at the headquarters of the Charlie Hebdo newspaper in Paris.

Several people were injured in the attack, and related incidents that took place over the next two days in the Paris region claimed the lives of at least five more people.

courage, courage, courage

I have come to believe that many personal issues can be resolved once and for all if only we possessed one particular trait.  This trait is courage.

Do you realize how magnificent this piece of news is?  I mean, some of us are struggling to figure out what to do with our lives, and here is an answer.  This one thing.  Courage.  Sure, getting this news won't get the problems solved, but knowing what to do in a tricky situation is certainly an important part of the work that leads to the solution.

So many times in my life, the thing that made the biggest difference between an unsatisfying situation and a satisfying situation was courage.  I find it being as simple as saying "if I have courage, then I win."  It is like the following two equations:

have courage = claim victory

do not have courage = do not claim victory

Courage trumps other qualities

When it comes to getting things done, I think that courage is just as important as other highly desirable qualities out there, if not more.  Among these qualities are discipline, wisdom, optimism, curiosity.  Indeed, there are many others and they each have their just place, but I think that courage is one that is almost always necessary.  Take the virtue of discipline for starters.  It is good to have discipline, but it usually takes courage to retain this discipline when the going gets tough.  And in a life worth living, the going almost always gets tough at some point.  Wisdom, too, has great value.  Yet without the courage to apply it when faced with a difficult situation, wisdom ends up taking an unfortunate hit.  It's like an idea that does not happen, or a "non-idea".  Optimism too is yet another notable quality.  But for someone who is generally disposed to pessimism but who is nevertheless determined to change that for good, a regular dose of courage is needed to carry out the actions that lead to an optimistic outlook.  It is like replacing one daily habit with another.  Since habits are ingrained within us, they are easy to keep.  To change them is necessarily difficult, and to overcome such difficulty, we need courage.  And then there is curiosity, which can make life richer for anyone who possesses it.  But to learn new things and to live new experiences, one must go beyond their comfort zone or what they already know, which may require courage.  Also worthy of mention are traits such as strength, perseverance, and resilience.  You could argue whether or not each of these traits was related to the other, but it would seem largely impossible to discuss any of them without recognizing the pertinence of courage.

Even the popular topics of self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth all have something to do with courage.

Get more familiar with courage

Given how unpredictable life is, it is inevitable that we will have to confront the question of courage at various times in our lives, whether at 15, at 30, or at 60 years old.  Some people even deal with it everyday.  I know that I am one of these people.  In fact, I go through moments that test my courage several times during the day.  If we all agreed that the question of courage pervades our lives, wouldn't it be useful to study it more and be more aware of it, only to see how much good could come out of having more of it?

What a few other (and better qualified) people think about courage

Well, all this has been nothing but my opinion.  What do other people think on the topic of courage?

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Management at Claremont Graduate University and former chair of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago, notes in his seminal book Flow that courage and the ability to overcome hardship are the reasons why average people admire the individuals that they admire the most.  He even states that the simple act of admiring courage is a positive trait in itself.  Quoting the Stoic philosopher Seneca, he writes: "The good things which belong to prosperity are to be wished, but the good that belong to adversity are to be admired."

Martin Seligman, a Family Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and former President of the American Psychological Association, writes in his Positive Psychology Chapter, prepared for the Handbook of Positive Psychology that "we have discovered that there are human strengths that act as buffers against mental illness: courage, future-mindedness, optimism, interpersonal skill, faith, work ethic, hope, honesty, perseverance, the capacity for flow and insight, to name several."  As it is mentioned first in this list, courage can surely be considered an important quality to have in life, especially in tough times.

Defining courage

So what is this thing called courage that we have been discussing so far anyway?

Here is the definition of the term according to the TV5 website (and one that I truly love):

"Force de caractère qui fait supporter la souffrance ou braver le danger."  In English, this translates to "strength of character that enables one to bear suffering or to confront danger."  Less prominent in this definition is the idea that suffering or danger are prerequisites for courage.  In other words, strength of character is great in itself, but if it is accompanied neither by the risk of suffering nor by the risk of danger, there is no courage.

With all due respect to this dictionary definition, I like to simplify matters sometimes by saying that a person has courage when he (or she) does something different from the usual that poses an emotional risk to him.  In other words, he does something makes him emotionally vulnerable.  Unless we are all robots programmed to always act the same way in a given circumstance, we can comprehend that we are generally capable of choosing a plan of action different from the usual, even if this plan makes us experience pain, real or imagined.  For example, most passengers on the Paris metro do not say bonjour (hello) to the person seated or standing beside them, even though they are technically capable of saying bonjour, even though they have already talked to unfamiliar people many times before.  In fact, not much is said on the metro, unless it is the case of people who already know each other, people on the telephone with someone elsewhere, or people soliciting some money or other favors from passengers.  It would thus be courageous to speak to someone in such an environment, but only if it posed an emotional risk to the person did it.  On the other hand, for a person who was self-confident in social settings, saying hello to just about anyone and just about anywhere would be second nature, and not necessarily courageous.

Imagine.

If we had more courage, we would no longer have to care too much about how we look to others.  Instead, we would focus on appreciating what is uniquely valuable about us.  In the process, our self-esteem and our self-worth would increase.

If we had more courage, we would no longer have to accumulate products promising us the good life.  Instead, we would focus on creating something beneficial out of the circumstances that we find ourselves in.  In the process, our self-confidence and our sense of initiative would increase.

If we had more courage, we would no longer have to depend on the lives of other people, famous or not, for our own pleasure.  Instead, we would remember that we are natural sources of excitement, and we would focus more on sharing this wealth that we have always possessed with others.  In the process, our sense of purpose and our overall well-being would increase.

Courage exists when it is shown

Rather than talking about having courage, I think that it is more appropriate to talk about showing courage.  After all, telling someone to have courage is not very actionable.  Seriously, how would you go about having something as abstract as courage?  I don't really know, so I suggest the idea of showing courage.  Showing requires taking actions that are clearly perceived by the senses.  For example, leaving the circle of friends to go talk with someone unfamiliar at a concert.  Revealing troubling but important news to one's parents.  Going in for the kiss on a blind date.  These are all but a few demonstrations of courage, provided that one is exposing himself to emotional risk when taking the action.  And it turns out that when we show courage in action, it is indisputable that we have it.

Few things are greater than courage with a purpose

I don't know about you, but I just want do more things that specifically give me the opportunity to show courage.  Even if I fail repeatedly.  Even if I do nothing in the end.  In other words, the more I think that a particular action demonstrates courage in comparison to others in a given situation, the more interested I am in pursuing that action.  Like they say, "no pain, no gain."  That said, showing courage in itself, albeit admirable, does not go that far.  I think that it is more worthwhile while doing something meaningful.  For example, there was a time a few years ago when I was making efforts to swim longer and faster in the pool and making other efforts to interact more with people that I passed on the street.  I considered both endeavors were emotionally risky and thus they were opportunities to show courage.  In addition, both had value in my life.  After pursuing them together for some time, I realized that I experienced joy and felt satisfied more often with my exploits on the street than with those in the pool.  From this discovery, I concluded that breaking personal records while swimming was less meaningful to me ‒ at that time ‒ than striving to relate better with random people.  It made more sense to me than to demonstrate courage in social situations with unfamiliar people.  So, given the numerous opportunities for showing courage that exist in the pool, on the street, or just about anywhere, I think that it helps to have a sort of filter for choosing those ‒ when the choice is available ‒ that bring the most personal satisfaction.

We have a choice to make

With some feeling of guilt, I must say that any talk of courage within our society, including this very post, would not need to be if we never shied away from the possibility of suffering or danger while pursuing our goals and desires.  But it's too late now.  Many of us go through lengths to avoid pain, so the notion of courage has to exist.  At the same time, some of us settle for admiring those who routinely show courage as if it was an innate quality that only a few people possessed.  Regardless of where we are on the path of life, we can still make a choice on the matter for the sake of our personal satisfaction.  This choice is the one between being content with avoiding the risk of suffering and danger and striving to be as courageous as we need to be.


We have discovered that there are human strengths that act as buffers against mental illness: courage, future-mindedness, optimism, interpersonal skill, faith, work ethic, hope, honesty, perseverance, the capacity for flow and insight, to name several. Much of the task of prevention in this new century will be to create a science of human strength whose mission will be to understand and learn how to foster these virtues in young people.

‒ Martin Seligman

fun factor

Life is not a competition, it's a game. It's not about winning or losing, it's about all the fun you can have before it ends.

‒ Simon Sinek

Sometimes, and even often, I need to remind myself that this is meant to be fun, that this works best when it is fun.  Or at least enjoyable.  Well thank goodness for Alan Cohen, one of several people interviewed in the film "Finding Joe".  Alan's explanation of the metaphor of the Golden Buddha story is an excellent reminder of the fun factor to consider in this thing called life.



Below is a homemade transcript of the Alan's explanation of the metaphor.

Each of us is golden by nature.  We were born golden, we were born high, we were born knowing, we were born connected to our bliss, we were born knowing truth, we were born knowing everything that every great spiritual master ever said, we were one with the Christ, the Buddha, everyone.  But then, we went to school and they said you have to dress like this, and this is what boys do, and this is what girls do, this is what black people do, this is what white people do, on and on and on.  And so we developed a casing of stone over the buddha to a point where at a young age, maybe 4 or 5 or 6 or 7, we believed that we were the stone buddha and not the golden one.  And then, something comes along that cracks our casing.  Maybe it's an injury, a divorce, a financial setback, a governmental change, something that really scares us and bugs us and knocks off a piece of our armor and only in that moment of the armor being knocked off do you get to look inside and see the gold.  And let me tell you friend, that the moment you see that gold, the armor and the concrete will never satisfy you again.  At that point, you truly enter the true hero's adventure and all you want to do for the rest of your life is pick away the stone because the gold is so much more fun.

strangelove

None of us need ever fear that we don't have an active imagination, because imagination is mostly a willingness to entertain a strange idea now and then.

‒ Bert Dodson

I never had a reliable definition of imagination, but the one offered by Bert Dodson, author of "Keys of Drawing", is one that I find truly wonderful.  If anything, it demystifies this thing called imagination, generally viewed as a desirable quality possessed by a minority of people.  If we are to believe the above quote, we are all imaginative, despite what we may tell ourselves.  I think that all of us have strange ideas, and that some of us do entertain a strange idea from time to time.  I know I do.  For me, such an activity arouses enthusiasm and curiosity, opens the door to new discoveries, and makes it possible to conceive even stranger ideas.  Moreover, in a society where conformism is frequent, I need a regular dose of strange ideas to keep my sanity in check.

What remains to be done is to make these ideas a reality.

The only difference between creative people and so-called non-creative people is that creative people welcome their strange ideas.

‒ Bert Dodson

operation the third café explained

Dear Lionel,

How are you doing?

It's been a year since I last wrote to you, yet I have heard nothing from you.  Not that I was expecting a reply, though one would have been nice.  Perhaps you were too bugged out by my explanation of Operation Handshake.  Then again, it was you who seemed the most curious about it among members of the team.  So this silence of yours is confusing, especially since we could talk about anything, or almost.  Just to avoid imagining what you may have thought about my letter, I am going to assume that all is good.  Don't they say that no news is good news?  Besides, I am an optimist, so I cannot afford to get too worried by the lack of an update.  I can only do my best to inspire you to write back and share your thoughts.  And to do that, I am presenting to you another operation named "The Third Café", which I designed and conducted several times while I was still in the team.  Sadly, you did not get to participate in this venture before I left.  You may not have even known about it.  But not to worry, because by the end of this letter, you will know much more.

As far its conception is concerned, Operation The Third Café actually preceded Operation Handshake.  Yet I got around to introducing it only after I had experienced consistent success with Handshake, having deemed the latter less risky.  I was already excited during the preparation of The Third Café, especially when I was writing the program that would read a file containing dozens of colleagues' names (actually about 80 names), select one of them at random, and print it to the screen.  After all those years of writing large bundles of software, who ever knew that crafting a standalone 225-line computer program could still produce so much joy?

The operation was inspired from the pause-cafés, or coffee breaks, that we would usually have in the room located between the two open spaces on the floor and that included a coffee dispenser.  These breaks seemed like the daily ritual that gave many of us the opportunity to catch up and joke around, among other things.  Even more than a daily ritual, they seemed like a vital part of the culture at work.  Sincerely speaking, I was unfamiliar with this kind of merrymaking when I joined the team.  I did not even warm up to it, preferring to remain among others at their desks who, in my opinion, were actually getting stuff done.  Today, I recognize that that attitude only reflected my insecurities at the time.  During my last few years at work, things were different, as my visits to the coffee room to mingle were rather frequent.  For sure, I was not the most often present person there, but I did have my fair share of appearances.

So the name of the operation refers directly to the third coffee break of the day at work.  Now that I think about it, this name is an odd mix of French and English, isn't it?  I have no idea why this name spoke to me.  It just did.  Anyway, people generally took coffee in front in the coffee room twice a day.  There was the morning coffee, anywhere between 9:30am and 10:30am, and then the afternoon coffee, sometime around 4:00pm.  As I had imagined it, the third coffee break would take place at 5:00pm.  Sure, it may have been too late for some people, especially those worried that their sleeping patterns would be disrupted if they had coffee that late in the day, but that was simply how my mind saw the opportunity for a new operation.

And therein was the general idea: inviting people to a coffee break at 5:00pm.  In practice, I would run the program that I had written to randomly select a name among those of everyone working in the two open spaces.  EVERYONE.  Once the program spit out the chosen name, I would have to go to the desk of the person bearing that name, either in our open space or in the other one, and suggest that he or she join me for a coffee break.  And I would do this twice a week.

As you can imagine, the "danger" in all this would be going up to someone who I barely knew, to whom I had never really spoken, or who I hardly ever saw, not to mention the uncertainty of their reaction to this rather peculiar request.  Yet that was what made the whole thing exciting.  Of course, it is a simple matter to ask someone ‒ anyone ‒ to have coffee with you.  However, we tend to ask people that we already know or with whom we feel more or less comfortable.  Even for me that is a natural instinct, so the embracing the idea of approaching colleagues that were not familiar or that I did not like much, as simple as it was from an objective point of view, took effort.  Having deemed such an effort valuable, I resisted the temptation to run the program until it gave me the name of a colleague that I judged easier to approach.

I thought that it was important that I did the deed at the desk of the chosen colleague, as there were almost always people in the vicinity to serve as an audience.  Like for Operation Handshake, doing unusual things in public appeared to be the quickest way to get over the fear of doing unusual things in public.  And, as you probably know by now, I have a certain fondness for doing unusual things in public.  Sometimes, I feel like it is my responsibility.  But I digress.

I was very afraid about bearing this responsibility, or rather, facing the opinion that others would have of me if I did something unusual.  And such, Operation The Third Café, however exciting it felt to conceive, did not see the light of day for several months.  As mentioned earlier, the regular success of Operation Handshake gave me confidence that I needed to get it off the ground.  To alleviate the fear of starting out, I decided to run the program until the colleague chosen at random was someone that I had no difficulty approaching.  So I did this until the program gave me Sylvie.  You remember her, right?

Well, the task of walking over to Sylvie's desk was a breeze.  We had always gotten along very well.  We had had coffee together at least once, and even lunch a few times.  So naturally, my third coffee break that day went smoothly.  Before having the discipline (and courage) to adhere to the two-times-a-week rule, I deemed myself ready to run the operation for the second time only several weeks after the moment with Sylvie.  I knew that, after the easy start, I could not cheat ‒ I could not rerun the program to get a more comfortable choice of colleague.  I would have to accept the choice that I was given before I could advance.  Those were just the rules of the game.  And with those rules in mind, I went to my computer, found the program, and ran it.  In the five seconds that it took to print a randomly chosen name (five seconds more than necessary but useful merely for introducing a little suspense), my heart beat madly, faster with each passing second.  Then I saw the output on the screen.  Kamel.

Operation Handshake aside, I had never talked to Kamel.  Ever.  I was not even completely sure of who he was.  I only had a good hunch.  Also, as opposed to Sylvie, he worked in the other open space, somewhere in the middle of the wide room occupied by at least 40 people, making matters even more interesting, if not scary.  So scary that I lived through a fierce mental struggle for two days at work.  How could something so simple be so terrifying at the same time?

Terrifying as it seemed, I managed to find the courage to pull through.  I simply had to, there was no other option.  It was a do or die situation, as I like to say.  So I went over to Kamel's desk, and did it.  Fortunately, because of Operation Handshake, I had gotten accustomed to showing up at the desks of unfamiliar people just to say hello.  I do not recall in detail what transpired that day, except that Kamel found the gesture a little strange yet somewhat amusing.  James, who was in the same team as Kamel and was sitting nearby, had noticed something unusual and made a remark.  Which he probably would not have done if we did not know each other.  His exuberant demeanor helped to put me at ease almost instantly, and what had seemed so terrifying a minute before had become something so simple.

Ultimately, Kamel accepted the invitation and we headed to the coffee room, along with James.  It was a nice rendez-vous, even though I really did not know what to talk about once the main event ‒ the moments of fear before and during the approach ‒ was over.  My worries had been useless; once in the coffee room, it became natural to get to know each other.  I got the impression though that for much of the break, Kamel was as still astonished as James that I had come over to suggest having coffee.  I must have given a safe excuse when he inquired why, like "Oh, I just thought of getting to know the people around me a little more."  At the end of the day, it was a landmark moment and I was nothing short of overjoyed.  It is often said that the first step is the hardest, and I had just taken it.

In the two and a half months that followed, after which I left the company, I ran the operation a total of 18 times.  That's 18 offers to have coffee, each one made to a colleague randomly selected from a pool of about 80.  I certainly got more disciplined with time, following without fail the two-colleagues-per-week rule during my final five weeks.  As my anxiety decreased, my confidence increased.  All in all, it was a wonderful experience, one that made the time spent at work more enjoyable than it already was and more meaningful from a personal point of view.  Plus I got to know some of my colleagues better.

Among the 18 offers, I received various responses.  Some people said yes, and we had coffee together, sometimes immediately, sometimes a little later in the day.  A couple of them said no, generally claiming that they were too busy.  I was not the least bothered by their refusals, as the mere act of going over to suggest coffee was satisfying enough for me.  A few other people declined because they had already had their afternoon coffee.  I suppose another serving at 5:00pm was pushing it.

The most memorable episode was when I had to invite Mathieu to coffee.  Keep in mind that I did not know him personally, even though he was used to seeing me show up at his desk whenever I was running Operation Handshake.  On top of that, he worked in the other open space.  Anyways, at 5:00pm that day, in spite of the intense nervousness that had fallen upon me, I got up from my seat to go wash my hands before the main event.  And guess who I ran into in the restroom.  Mathieu !  We must have said only bonjour to each other then.  I was not going to start talking about us having coffee, and besides doing so anywhere but at his desk was against the rules of the operation.  So I went back to attending to my own business and he left eventually.  When I was done, I got out and went in the direction of the other open space.  I found the door, opened it, and passed through.  I instantly spotted Mathieu seated in the middle of the room, farther than where Kamel's seat was, and went straight on until I arrived at his desk.  The tension that accompanied this walk quickly diminished once I had stated the reason for my visit, as it had always been the case during previous episodes.  Ultimately, Mathieu declined.  Another busy fellow.  At least he was flattered, or seemed like it.

There you have it.  Operation The Third Café in all its glory ‒ I mean, in all its details.  You are the first to know all about it ‒ and I mean ALL about it ‒, even though I had let out a few details on one occasion when I was in the coffee room with Jerome (the tall one), Alexis, and Elid, the chosen colleague of the day.  I don't know if you were there too, my memory of that moment is quite blurry.  In any case, not a single one person among those present was aware that I was playing some kind of game.  I don't even think that they really understood what I was saying.  Granted, giving oral explanations in a clear manner is not my strongest suit.  Thankfully I can write (pretty well).  Case in point.

So I hope that you have been inspired by reading this.  Heck, I hope that you've at least felt something.  Anything.  If so, I have achieved my goal, even if you (still) don't write back.  It would be great to hear from you though.  No pressure.

Monsieur (Pre?)?Conf.